Moving on out

Hey guys, i've moved my blog to wordpress. Drop on by...http://basketcaseelly.wordpress.com/

Partly Cloudy

Partly Cloudy

See more like this on kontraband.com

Enjoy..courtesy of Pixar

Lippie Lock

Like any other girl, i love my lipstick, lip gloss and lip balm. I love seeing it in every shades and cases. Even when i'm broke, i would just check out the makeup counter just to see what's up and coming and what are the latest craze.Like most girl, the dilemma we face is finding the dream colour. The ultimate colour you visualize being on your lip.Giving you the perfect shape and pout. A colour that wouldn't run out the market as soon as you got it.And at a reasonable price.Alas, all of this are all wishful thinking. Until one day, after much surfing done on the web..I came across this site that teaches you to make your own make up organically and naturally.

The foundation course/tutorial was a little confusing, so i opt for the lip balm/lip gloss tutorial.It was really simple ( and no i'm not gonna reveal my secret.lol ) It takes up a little of your time. Simple ingredients you can find over the counter pharmacy and pigments/colour over the net. The cost of making your own balm/gloss is a fraction of what you pay offer the counter at your regular makeup counter. Plus you get to make your own favourite colour at any time and as much as you want. Your colour will never run out.

After watching the video, i ordered the kit and within a week i got all my stuff togather. Had alil mishap here and there, with the consistency and colour but all and all..it came out just the way i want.Check out my finish product!

Gridfully Obituary

Link:www.adgoodness.com

Nikkor-Pistol Camera

This is just super duper kewl. If only they'd sell this in KL. I'd get it in a heart beat. *sigh*

Sleep where ever

Good friend of mine, Aidaggles who is a search engine in her own right found this architectural wonder. I find it utterly unique and thought provoking.The designer pushed his/hers creative boundaries. He/her thought out of the box.Pure passion. Enjoy.

I fluff

To date, 2 of my ex's are married and 1 is engaged.According to sources, he will be married at the end of the year.This is the recent ex [recent being 2 years ago] that i almost settled down with.Funny thing was, almost all of my friend knew..and non of them except for 1 told me. I didn't take it too seriously at first coz i figured it could be just talk. Lately, I've been in a state of "let's not speculate until its the real deal". To my surprise the real deal came in a form of multiple engagement pictures in FacefreakinBook!...

It's like they say, wish for it hard enough..and it will come to be. Here i was, faced with all this images of happiness. I was in complete shock. I couldn't breathe. I knew that at some point he will come to this but i didn't think that it'll be soon. I felt it a little unfair that he got his happiness ever so quickly but I'm still very much on my own. The feeling of loneliness and paranoia kicked in full swing.

I started questioning myself. All the usual question rushing in my head.What's wrong with me? Am i not pretty or smart enough? was i unkind? insensitive? and the list goes on and on. Then i realized that, my exs they do well after having being with me. Some of em' gets married..some into a long and lasting relationship and some eveb grew a pair. Bottom line, they do better after me. So I've come to a conclusion. I think i'm an emotional fluffer. I fluff men emotionally. I make it easy for the next girl to go for the kill. I fluff and then they marry my men.I've been dealt a raw deal indeed. I try talking it out to a fellow friend who i thought was a friend. He felt that i should stop talking about it. That i should shut up about the whole thing and just keep it inside. He also feels i'm not over my ex. That alone has proved to me that he doesn't know me well. I shouldn't expect loyalty from him since he is one of my ex's closes friend. In the end boys will choose boys. Bro's before Hoe's as they'd say. Ah well..that is life..it will never be fair..

For now, this emotional-men fluffer will keep it down low. Focus on me instead of others who i deem irrelevant. So far there has been a few..irrelevances..will try to surpass what ever emotion i have towards my ex , life..and our mutual friend. Connection to his side has been severed..mentally..

Strength

I love her voice..such strength..

You forgot your knives

(photo credit: Cxntagion, www.deviantart.com)




Hypocrites, they're on top with all the other things that I hate. They live off people's misery. They like seeing chaos. It brings joy to their rotten lil heart. Bastards!

These hypocritical individual they are indecisive. They don't know if they want to be good or bad.Black or white. Make up your fucking mind yo! Stop being blardy cowards!! Stand up for what you believe and feel.

If you dislike someone..say it! don't go behind their back and bitch about them and then act all peachy in front of em. That's just not right. Why be on the fence about how you feel about someone. You know how you feel..you know its for real. You know the hatred you have towards someone wouldn't change. You know its made of stone.

Then why the heck deny? Why the hell are you hiding behind your fucking mask??!!!
Do you wanna know why you do it...Coz you're just chicken shit! You have this biggest insecurity and fear. You fear that if you let out your outmost hatred towards a person you'd be judge. And what ever your flaws would be visible. Coz you know how human being works. We pick at everything. The moment we sense someone hates another, we'd pick at it. We dissect and analyze as to why do u have such animosity towards someone. Who made you perfect? And all the unwanted questions comes pouring out.

That my friend is your fear. The fear of facing those questions. So you settle for normalcy..which is bitching about others..picking at their flaws..better them than you RIGHT!!! Ass! You're just another insecure coward settling for scraps. You feed of someone's pain. GO ahead carry on doing it.Settle for bullshit.Settle for pain. But i dare you to be different! I dare you to come up to my face and let your feelings known!!! I dare YOU!

Love thy-self

"I only want the best which is for me" says falloutboy. Without a doubt, I agree. Friends are saying, I fear commitment but that's not right. I have no problem committing to someone. Is just for now I just want to be with me. Honestly, I'd be lying if I said I'm completely happy where I am and that I'm not lonely.Being alone and lonely is two different things.

Of course, I get lonely but I'd rather be alone rather than to deal with someone else's insecurities..problem..drama. It's not that i haven't been out with anyone..or that I haven't liked anyone. I have. At present I am in like with someone. Is just I dont know if he's worth all the trouble?

Friends are saying how would I know for sure if he's worth it if I don't take the leap? Answer is..I dont know? As for now maybe, he has yet proven himself worthy enough for me to want to leap. I want to see him unravel. I want to see what sort of person he is. Does he love himself enough to not be all caught up with bullshit around him. I need someone logical,rationale and strong..That much I know.

I'm just so at the point in my life where it's me first then everyone else. I can't make you happy if i'm not happy first. I want to be able to be me and not be questioned or shh-ed in regards of my actions. I need an equal. I need a man that would compliment me and not complete me. Gone were the days of "You complete me!" bullshit.

Actions VS Words

I noticed that lately, the guys that I've been going out with are constantly giving me mixed signals. Back in the day, say 5 years ago I don't remember encountering this sorta dilemma.

It's either I like you or I don't. Plain and simple. Just the way I like it *laughs* but yah nowdays you can't tell anymore. For the past 6 months or so there was only one guy i dated who was solid. The rest were either I like you (and they say this) but I don't know, things are complicated la de da. The other set would show me with his actions but when it comes to a certain point they stop. Don't ask me why coz I dont know and I didn't bother asking them.Why push for someone's affections when they are not willing to give it to you...*mehh*

So yah nowdays you can never tell. Before if a guy were to reach out for your hand, or tries to hug you in the movies or kisses you goodnight after a good day out means they want to go steady.They want you to be their girl. Things has changed. You can't take their words entirely when their actions aren't the same or vice versa. You can't say someone is together just because you saw them hugging one another (intimately) or holding hands.

I brought up this issue to several of my guy friends and according to them when it comes to men, I can almost always trust their actions. Why? because with actions is like a form of habit or ritual is something they can't hide as well as words. It's like in their nature.If i wanted to know if they guy really liked me I should observe his actions carefully.His body language,his gestures and the way he looks at me.If it all seems to be positive and he's doing everything and anything to gain my attention then he's smitten.

Armed with this knowledge, I'm still quite sceptical. I guess we'd just have to wait and see. Believe me I am in no rush to be with someone. I have all the time to see the outcome.

Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

If you are one of my closes friends and family you'd know that I don't do jelly-like texture. Be it on dessert, meat, seafood. ANYTHING jelly-like.NO NO NO NO!!! DIE YOU FIEND!

With such intense hate *laughs* why would you even bother wasting your time suggesting the idea of trying to eat snails to me. Not just any snails but garden snails at that.Ugh! the idea of it makes me wanna hurl!

How could you consume something so nasty as a garden snail? You see it in your garden walking, well more like crawling ever so slowly across your lawn *ugh!!!* Nasty! I don't care that you wash it clean, seasoned it and then saute the lil rascal. It's still NASTY!

And no i'm not ignorant for you haters out there. I tried it once and NO! it wouldn't take a few tries before i like it. Once was enough.Horrible experience ever! Till this day i'm still traumatized by the experience.

Fuck You It's Over

When i go through something really upsetting, I almost always can't seem to word it out. Ok that's not true, I can but not with the sorta angst and intensity i want it to be.

My usual solution is to find a specific band with a specific song that'll match my feeling in all its song and lyric.

For today I'm feeling this band. It was introduced to me by a friend few months back. I didn't take an instant liking to it but after a few play I got alil hooked. So yah I think currently their in the midst of coming up with a new album.

I'm currently hooked on their song "Fuck you it's over" and for of course an apparent reason (check the blog below and you'll get it ) *laughs* so yah the lyric says it all and i'm glad. I'll leave you to the lyric of things song.

-----------------------------------------------------------

I gave you all the love,

A boy could ever need,
And in this world there's only one of me,

And all there is left,
Is the realisation,
That we we're never meant to be,

Fuck you,
Fuck you,
It's Over,

Fuck you,
Fuck you,
It's Over,

I've been lost since I woke up,
Broked since we broke up,
Vanished by your heart,

Remember it when,
You promised me how,
This time this christmas things would be different by now,

Fuck you,
Fuck you,
It's Over,

Fuck you,
Fuck you,
It's Over,

Middle Eight
All I wanted was to be,
Where your heart is,
But that's all changed now,
Now you're dead to me,

You're dead,
You're dead,
You're dead,
You're dead,

Fuck You,
Fuck You,
It's Over,

For You,
For You,
It's Over,

Fuck You,
For You,
It's Over,

For You,
For You,
It's Over,
Ahh,

Just like the movies....

You know those stories we watch on the telly or at the movies that tell us of a mediocre man who falls for a rich and beautiful girl. Who in the end, ends up with someone equally match in looks and wealth. He tries his best to please her within his means but it'll never be enough. She'll never see him for what he's worth.

I never thought I'd ever be in his situation, the mediocre man.Today I felt how it was like to be in his shoes and i finally get it all. You see for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling for this one person. About a year back, we made it transparent but decided to basically not pursue it. Well he did, i didn't. I wanted to see where things might've lead us. Basically i had my heart on the platter he just smashed it to pieces.

I forgave him over time. Thinking that we've been friends close to 5 years why fuck up a completely good friendship. Today i learned that I don't even have that. I was delusional all this while.Here i was trying to make the grand gesture, so the dude wouldn't miss Jamiroquai by surprising him with a ticket. Yah it wasn't worth much but in the end it'll still get u in to the concert area and that was what matters to me. I didn't want him to feel left out just because he was broke and filled with pride to accept a ticket purchased by me. So i lied i said i got it for free from a friend. When in actual fact i bought it so he wouldn't miss his favourite band.

Ended up, he bailed on me for a free Grand Stand ticket. Funny thing was he never once mentioned that he was getting tickets else where. The other thing was i booked him way before everything because i wanted to surprise him. When i finally told him i actually bought the tickets, instead of feeling guilty, he instead suggested i sell it off to his brother. I was just in shocked. The plan was getting the same tickets and going together (coz u had to pay some special pass to park in sepang) and so happen his friend had those pass. I was literally counting on him for a ride there. So now all gutted and left high and dry, I was super close to not going because of my supposed dear "friend". After venting out my pain, I decided to not let what happen get to me. Fuck it! He's not worth it. I can finally say it.His actions says it all.

That's why I can't be mad at him coz in the end truthfully I was stupid to believe and hope he'd see it..he'd see me but yah as his actions states I mean absolutely jack shit to him. I know if he reads this he'd say " I never asked you to buy the tickets" and its true he never did. I just wanted him to know that for him I'd do a lot to make him happy and feel special. I'd even sacrifice an actual good free seat to be where he'd be coz i didn't want him to be alone. In the end, thinking about others doesn't get u any where...u'd just get hurt in the process..

Kicks for Chicks

Girls and their shoes, its a never ending story but it is what it is so why question it right! You can never go wrong with shoes. They just make you feel like a million bucks after a hard day of work. Sometimes they even give you a lil boost of confidence. Almost all girls love high heels shoes. For me the pointier the better. And if its 3 inch onwards I'll buy in a instant.Ofcourse if the design is to my liking that is.I love them heels coz they just perk up my lil derriere section *laughs*. Plus they're just super sexy.

Though i love them to bits. I've always been the "go for comfort" sorta girl when it comes to shoes and i love nothing more than my canvas flats. They're super comfortable. They come in different designs and colours. Their designs are simple not much frilly bits around it. It almost always fit any occassion and its soo laid back at the same time. I love it. The picture above is some I came across while surfing the net.Enjoy..*wink*

Connections

(photo credit:Mista-Bob,deviantart)


According to a close friend, in order for you to be with someone you'd need some sort of spark.some sort of connection.What if a connection is just not enough? Maybe you need to, I don't know have more time.More time to let their essence sink in. More time to see how they are when they're under pressure. More time to see what they're truly made of. What sort of person are they? What are their principals?What they're like with their friends? Do they change when ever they're with different sets of groups? and the list goes on and on and on.

But yah, why is connection so important? Especially to women.I feel that we've been brain washed by the media and the people around us on the idea of love,relationship and commitment. My friend Mr K. thinks i've concocted this theories as means to avoid any form of commitment. Truthfully I don't fear commitment. I'm not afraid of risking myself in a relationship.I've done it countless times. For me before i get into something serious, first and foremost i don't want to be pushed. I'd want to have a clear mind. I need to know that when i get into a relationship he's worth my time. Worth my effort.

So far i've only experienced 3 "connections" throughout my life.The first two went on to be the longest and most serious relationship. The 3rd i experienced it few months back. It didn't turn into a relationship. Honestly i wasn't really gunning for it to turn into one. I just basically took my time. I wanted to see what he's made of.Could he take me? Could i take him? Funny thing was we sparked in so many ways and to some that's enough and we should be togather right this minute.

Sadly i didn't feel the same way. I couldn't bring myself to invest more of me in the whole thing. He just didn't seem right to me. The more we hung out the more i realized that i can't bring myself to trust him. His actions and words often always contradict.He often seems to have different sides.Half of the time I couldn't tell which side is the real him or his shell of a persona and that is never good. I just had to say my peace. If you think i'm not disappointed, well you're wrong. I am a little but at least i found out soon. In other words, connection/spark is never enough. You still need to do some leg work. This way you get to segregate the psychos from the ones that truly deserves your attention.

please..please...

Sexy sexy McAvoy. He's not the normal kind of good looking but..he's super hot. Please please god can i have him *laughs* or anything close is fine *sigh*

Sorting out the folders

We all deal with folders on a day to day basis. From actual yellow or black bound folders to those digital ones on the computer. Everything meant to keep your life organized, in checked, simple and easy. So they say.It takes a lot of thought to label something and putting it in a specific category.

Imagine doing that for your life.Try putting or categorizing an incident or someone into a folder. Not easy. Wait! I take that back, it can be easy when they've been complete jerks.Right them off with a big REJECT stamp on the their file *grins* ahh if only life was really that simple. Sadly you can't always have what you want. So yah, its complex this whole filing shenanigans. One wrong move then you'd have to reassess the whole incident or individual again and I hate it when that happens. It just takes a lot out of you.'

A close friend of mine refuses to succumb to this folder system.To him once you've categorized and place them in their respective folder, it'll be the end for them. You'll forever have a set opinion over them and it'll be hard to change that down the road. I agree with him. So much so that if you could stack up all my life issues, the people I'd want to put in the hater folder is stacked so high I think right now it'll probably be up to the ceiling. Don't get me wrong i'm not ignoring or pushing anything under the rug. I'm not running away from my mistakes or what's been troubling me. For now this time around, I'd like to leave to chance. Instead of hunching over mountain of "paper works" worrying about what and who goes where, let the card fall as they may.

No point analyzing things when everything is just apparent.Things happen coz they happen. Yes for a reason but you don't have to figure out the reason there and then. I'm a hardcore believer of the kharmatic cycle. If you do shit, then you'll get shit and If you lie,then it will be made transparent the next time around. All we gotta do is be patient and just wait...Ohmmm hahahahaah...

If he can shake it then he can make it

It's hard to find a guy who could shake it. I'm not talking about just swaying from side to side,moving his arms Pharrel-ish way ( though at times it is cool ). I'm talking about proper gyrating,hip swishing, belly dancer ish moves. I've never seen it around town.There has been some close call but never never like what I've experienced tonight.

Mraz really knocked me out off my feet. Shit! The man can move. I swear when he was breaking his moves, all I mean all the girls in that freakin stadium including myself screamed. Not only can he sing,play the guitar but he can really really dance. And in my book, THAT RAWKS!!!!

He was really one with his body. You know the guy is comfortable with everything about himself. He is a geek in the truest form but a freaking sexy geek. Everything about him tonight oozed confident sexuality *smile* Non of those cocky macho crap we usually get here. Seeing this dude live was the ultimate experience. A complete pro.

Guys seriously if you want to make it with girl, you got to shake to make it. It is true what you've been hearing. Girls do check you out when you dance. If you're good...HIGH HIGH Points in our books!!! So go practice !! Show your woman what you can do! Rock her world!

Mr Dylan

"I define nothing. Not beauty, not patriotism. I take each thing as it is, without prior rules about what it should be. "

"I don't think the human mind can comprehend the past and the future. They are both just illusions that can manipulate you into thinking theres some kind of change."


He was on to something..

I don't..

In light of all this bizarre craze on Facebook, the whole list out 25 things or more as means to get to know you as a person is just soo hmmm...to me..but since i have nothing to do on this god forsaken day (Valentine's Day). I thought what tha' heck ! Let's do it! but with my own twist of course.And it goes something like this:

-I don't like ignorant people

-I don't like to be lied to. I feel that when you lie you disrespect first yourself and the person you're trying to have a connection with.I mean as white lies goes...if you can avoid not doing it..is great..there are times..white lies are needed but when it comes to serious matters..never i repeat NEVER LIE! If you do and its with me...it takes a while i mean awhile till i'll let you in my good books.

-I don't like roses!! Stop buying them for me!

-I don't like being pushed around

-I don't like when people test my patience. I rarely get pissed but when i lose it, its almost always out of control

-I don't like men who are constantly jealous.

-I don't like confrontation. Not that I can't handle it. I just feel there other means to settling a problem.If all else fails then maybe you can resort to something drastic

-I don't like drama queens. Its not always about ya'll!

-I don't like to be forced out of my slumber. It'll just whack out my whole day. I'd be literally in a bad mood the through day.

-I don't like when people accuse or attack my family. I get really protective

-I don't like indecisive people. Make up your mind ahh HALO!

-I don't like jelly like food or things or animal..UGH!

-I don't like girlie girls with their wispy voices. They're just acting innocent when in actual fact they're as bad or worse than some of us loud,forward talking girls

-I don't like Malaysian drivers. Its fact they're all shit drivers

-I don't like snobby people

-I don't like disrespectful people

-I don't like wannabe Don Juan's. Please ahh go check the mirror!! You think you so hot is it!

-I don't like when people repeat vicious cycle. Be it from cheating on their gf coz in the past their exs cheated on them or beating up a child just because they came from an abused background. PLease grow a PAIR!!! Life is a cycle! You do one today you'll get yours another day! KHARMA DARLING!

I've run out of things to not like. I swear before i started i had tonnes..I guess train ran out of steam hahhah

Roll with Lego

Lego !!!!

What i miss most..

It's those little things that make you miss wanting to be with someone but it doesn't necessarily mean a relationship. It could be with a close friend or someone you have a passion and connection for. A certain someone you can actually enjoy those little things with.

Little things like going to cafe' and enjoying a cup of coffee and talk for hours on end about everything and nothing. Going to music stores and looking and listening to records that we 'd both like and go bonkers for.

Sitting on a couch and just cuddle and take in the silence and enjoying each others company. Holding hands on a cold night and walking close to keep warm. Long drives to no where, with good music blaring on the radio and singing to our hearts content or just keeping quiet and listen to the music.

Travel to a quiet island with nothing to do but laze in the sun and swim in the sea. Kissing for hours and just enjoying the taste and passion of each other's lips and feel the raw emotions of being close and connected. Staying in at home together on a quiet Sunday and just cook a feast and just eat between the two of us. Trying out hats and shoes and parading in front of one another.

Ahh the joy of those little things...

Get OFF my seat!

The whole week has been filled with utter randomness. Women drama.Odd calls.stupid french director with mindless comments.Pranked date by a friend. Utter weirdness! sheesh..
To add to the whole lot, at dinner I was chased out of my seat by an old lady.*laughs* Speak of randomness.

I went down to a cafe nearby to get some dinner.When i got there it was empty.It was just the cashier and the waiter. I sat right next to a wall facing the tv. Ordered my dinner and doing my own thing.Suddenly, I saw this old disheveled lady come in and walked right at me.Naturally i thought she was one of those unfortunate homeless people. I got my coin pouch out so I could give her some change.

When she finally got to my table, she muttered something. I couldnt hear her and i asked her to repeat what she said. Then she said "Get off my seat!!".Here I was blardy hungry and all stressed out about my postponed interview, I couldn't register what was happening to me then. I looked up at her..all confused..and speechless..Then she said it again "Get off my seat!" and gestured me to get off.

I looked around and i saw all the empty seats in the cafe and I couldn't understand why she wanted mine. Bewildered and dumbfounded I got up instantly and sat at another table. All the time shaking my head out of disbelieve.When i was done with dinner and went up to pay I asked the cashier who she was? Apparently she comes every other day to watch tv and she always sat at that chair. Gangster ahh..*laughs*

27

It's odd that people would think, I'd be bummed up turning 27. Honestly, I'm alright.Ok ok i have to admit that I did go through the whole "Crap i'm turning 25...and hitting the 1/4 century mark" panic. But after going through loads of shit for the past couple of years, I thought i'd ought to look at it in a different perspective. You don't celebrate your birthday all the time..It's a gift. Every second..minute..hour..day.. is something we shouldn't take for-granted.

Every time it comes, you look around and you see the people you love and care..are there for you. Making your day the best day you could ever have.Celebrating your existence. It'll be heart breaking that on your big day you're not rejoicing with them..RIGHT?!! So yay! to another year gained.

Yay! to a new start! Yey! to new friends and YEY! to new adventure.Cheers to all who are about to embark on a new adventure.



(photo credit: Encek Khairul)

The bad days..

(photo courtesy : cik baby)

When dark clouds rolls in..and the day is grey. You can't help but feel a little bit down. Everything you do doesn't seem to be right. 

You don't know what to do with your day.

Whether you wanna go out or stay in or just stay all cuddled up in bed wallow in your sorrows. Frankly, wallowing is SoooOOOo OVERATED!

My solution to all my grey days for the past year has been DANCING!!

If I'm at home, I'd put on THE CURE-Friday I'm in Love and just shake my ass off *laughs*

If i decided to go out for a drive, I'd be bobbing my head to THOSE DANCING DAYS-Actionman. I swear motorist would think i'm absolutely bonkers BUT i could care less.

Dancing and shaking to your heart's content is such a good way to release what ever negative vibes you may have around you. I'd feel absolutely delirious after and ready to get out again to face what ever demons I might have. So i say, shake your ass people. I mean if it doesn't make you any happy at least you'd lose some pounds doing it.

Master Oogway..

"Yesterday is history,tomorrow is a mystery.But today is a gift,that's why they call it present.."-Master Oogway-Kung Fu Panda

I cracked up when i saw this quote on Marcell's blog. It's just soo funny and right at the same time. Pretty much summed up how i currently feel.

Wanting to trust

(artwork by winst from deviantart)

To trust is a big thing. It sits on par with commitment. You pick who you trust and when you do you never question their credibility unless something major happens. They're the ones you go to for almost everything. Seeking wisdom,opinions or just a shoulder to cry on. 

They are the ones you can count on..

Nowdays, I noticed people don't care anymore.To earn someone's trust means absolutely nothing. There is no value to trust. There is no care on wanting to earn or keep a person's trust. It's as if its fine to just betray it all. Its as if its fine to hurt others so carelessly with every actions and every word. 

Of late the issue of trust has been a constant battle for me. I'm always hesitant on letting the real me out. Which at the moment, I personally think its the wises thing I've done so far. I just feel I can't trust anyone. It's just been a back to back thing..this trust issues. I've been reassessing everyone and everything in my life. Who to trust..who to keep close..who to let go. Minus-ing out all the drama. Keeping it simple and honest. Why? Maybe I've been rather picky. Maybe I've just been let down left right and centre that I stopped wanting to trust. Maybe my guard is setup way up high. I just don't know anymore. 

To be honest Im just tired. I just want to go with it..as they say it here .."layan je" . Take my time with everything.If it gets too much I'd just back off. Lately, it has been too much. All the absurd things happening is just too ridiculous to figure out. To hell with it all..i'm just going to take it one at a time..