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Funny thing about hurt, you don't know it until its too late. Mostly at the beginning you were just shocked. Once you get into the buzz of things and realised what had happen, you get upset and depressed. Sometimes I wished that instead of keeping quiet or civil about it, I'd yanked the person's chain there and then but i just don't have that evilness in me.
The week had been a rather mellow week and all I wanted to do was just chill and not worry about crap but somehow or rather its been like "the critising me week". Just every corner or so some little comment are made. Just when I thought I could just slide out and shut out all the negative-ness, some hag broad had to point out my short comings. Right i suffer a type skin problem.And its called eczema. It isn't that bad as some but it is visible to everyone.
In my case, my eczema,my skin has a low healing process. Basically it takes time for my skin to heal then any regular jane or joe. I still have some chicken poxes scars from when i was in my teens and i'm in my mid 20's.I've learn to except it be comfortable in my own skin but i've just been so tormented so long that sometimes on a bad day it gets to me and old wounds just pours out. I admit i'm still rather sensitive and emotional about the subject but its not something you get over after all the mental torcher of girls should be pretty perfect thin with flawless skin.
I'm sure there are million girls suffering the same thing as me. I realise to a point i should be greatful and not whine about it but it hurts being point out, called out infront of everyone you care and made example of your imperfections. Its worse when you just take it and smile to the bitch that said it to you square to your face. I wished that my hurt could have kicked in faster. That i could filter out the real issue the woman was trying to make. Maybe then i could just bitch slap her but then we never get what we wish for
Finally came around to registering my company this week. 19th June 2007 Novacaine Design, its official. For a minute there i was happy and i felt i had purpose in life. A target so to speak something to strive for. I beamed when i got the registration cert and number.Felt like graduation in an odd way.
I walked out from the registration office with a little skip to my steps but when i was going up the lift everything just came down on me. This whole thing makes it legit, I am an adult. With millions of responsibilities. Everything came rushing in and i wanted to cry to make matters worse it was the red flag week, so as you can imagine the tremendous outpour of emotions.
Everything became an issue. Usually i'm never as depressed, I guess all this being older shit just got to me. I gave myself a couple of days to sort it out doesn't seem to work. In the end i wrote and said affirmations. Positive ones to give a more positive aura to my day. I don't know if it works but so far today it has given me some sort energy to repel idiots with low comprehension skills.
I literally shut my mind up the minute the bastard started to rant on. An ability i've never had before. So i guess affirmations aren't that bad in so many ways. Maybe i'll try it for a bit more see where all this takes me. Another day another drama.
Last Saturday, I accompanied my boyfriend to a futsal game.At first i was reluctant because I never pictured myself being the girl seating on the site lines cheering her man on. You know the ones with pretty lil handbags, hair all made up wearing short primmed skirt. I couldn't do it, nope! no way. I'm the complete oppossite. i am action girl. I love playing football. I love being in the field the adrenaline rush. I love the sweat after a long hauled game.
So anyways, yah i was asked to accompany him to a game and i had to be Ms Sappy (Nickname i came up for girls cheering their man on) for that day. We were one of the first to get there. I thought great no girls. So that means i'm going to be alone in this . Minutes later in comes a married couple of two years.Friends of my boyfriend. We said our hellos and sat down.
When the game started it was just me and the wifey. She didn't warm up at first but after a few break the ice session (by me i might add) she finally talked. The games was a bore at the beginning but picked up quite a bit after 15 minutes.The Ms Sappy's hubby was made goalkeeper. I looked at her and figured i gave her a chance before i start forming an opinion of her. Before i actually complete the thought, she jumped on her feet and shouted " Come on baby!! Babby I love you!!" my jaw dropped completely.
I'm sucked into the twilight zone. The Ra-Ra girls for the mighty strong man. I had chills then. I had to excuse myself so I wouldn't burst out laughing at her. Oh well!!
Decided to move my blog to blogspot instead. Looked way better and the templates aren't that complicated. Starting fresh. Lately its been hard to just get things out on paper. Ideas doesn't seem to pour out as much as before. Maybe its from all the corporate work done or maybe its from the "know it all type clients", i'm not to sure. One thing i know for sure ,I'm close to just tossing in the towels when it comes to all this corporate branding .It bores me to death.
I need a new breathe of life. I've been wanting to have an exhibition but cant seem to have a proper time to organize the whole event. Found a few people that would make an interesting mix for the exhibition but I've still got to sort things out first. Need to lay down proposals. Argh!!! I hate writing proposals. Not the best of trades I might add. Putting things onto paper nowadays seems to be tough. I don't know if its the age thing or my mind is just dry of ideas.
I have to buck up and be more discipline. To succeed is to take risk. So risk here I come.
