Sans Ego

What an eventful couple weeks. Loads of soul searching and reassessing life's decisions. When such days knocks on your door, the first thing you'd do is call up your girls and schedule a meeting. Meeting such as these you tend to discover what sort of person you are and what you've become. The sources are of course viable because its from those you care and love most.

It was brought to my attention by my fellow love ones that I am an egoistical maniac. Not all the time though, only on certain matters and topic. The topic that day was men. So yah, that's where the ego kicks in rather high. Of late i can assure you, its only been on rather high alert after the recent break up. Anyway, back to the issue at hand. I called the meeting to ask for some perspective on a recent unforeseen incident.

Recently, a very close friend made his feelings known to me and like a yellow bellied chicken i bolted because I was confused. SO i thought then ,actually i still don't know for sure if i'm not. How did i ran you asked? Well, I did what any macho egoistical person would do. I say stupid things. The first stupid thing I said was " i was being a man, you wanted to give what I craved most. So like a man i took it" The second one was " I think i have something for you but Im not sure and I don't think my head is screwed up right to figure it out just yet" ( you can actually scratch this out because my recent break up really did a number to my head ) . After all those macho cock up crap of an excuse, we both decided to lay low and just be there for one another. In other words our friendship was bigger than our feelings for one another.

But me being me, after the whole fiasco I kept thinking about it. I kept analyzing it. Wondered where i went wrong and what if.
So that's where the counsel came in. Their take on the whole matter was I was cold and rather hard on the guy. They don't blame me though but they said that I should atleast try and put my ego aside and try again. Try talking to the man. Ask him out take it slow get to know each other in a different tune.

So i did just that. I put away the ego and strike up a small conversation with him. I manage to make myself ask him out but to no avail, he turned me down. He said that he's comfortable where is and with who he is now and that he's not ready. I tried to reason with him but he didnt' budge. I got rather emotional at the end ( we tend to do that when our guards are down, right girls ) and i said " Is it me? I don't fit your criteria? I guess you cant pursue someone if they don't want to be pursued". He didn't reply back to that remark and I took that as an end. I don't blame him though. I'd turned me down after the whole crap i said to him. Well, from that incident, I've taken upon myself to just let it go. I tried. I tried to want to explore the feelings but it couldn't happen. Oh well, another chapter close. It's time to climb up again with my bruised up ego.

Role in the next drama...