Gridfully Obituary

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Nikkor-Pistol Camera

This is just super duper kewl. If only they'd sell this in KL. I'd get it in a heart beat. *sigh*

Sleep where ever

Good friend of mine, Aidaggles who is a search engine in her own right found this architectural wonder. I find it utterly unique and thought provoking.The designer pushed his/hers creative boundaries. He/her thought out of the box.Pure passion. Enjoy.

I fluff

To date, 2 of my ex's are married and 1 is engaged.According to sources, he will be married at the end of the year.This is the recent ex [recent being 2 years ago] that i almost settled down with.Funny thing was, almost all of my friend knew..and non of them except for 1 told me. I didn't take it too seriously at first coz i figured it could be just talk. Lately, I've been in a state of "let's not speculate until its the real deal". To my surprise the real deal came in a form of multiple engagement pictures in FacefreakinBook!...

It's like they say, wish for it hard enough..and it will come to be. Here i was, faced with all this images of happiness. I was in complete shock. I couldn't breathe. I knew that at some point he will come to this but i didn't think that it'll be soon. I felt it a little unfair that he got his happiness ever so quickly but I'm still very much on my own. The feeling of loneliness and paranoia kicked in full swing.

I started questioning myself. All the usual question rushing in my head.What's wrong with me? Am i not pretty or smart enough? was i unkind? insensitive? and the list goes on and on. Then i realized that, my exs they do well after having being with me. Some of em' gets married..some into a long and lasting relationship and some eveb grew a pair. Bottom line, they do better after me. So I've come to a conclusion. I think i'm an emotional fluffer. I fluff men emotionally. I make it easy for the next girl to go for the kill. I fluff and then they marry my men.I've been dealt a raw deal indeed. I try talking it out to a fellow friend who i thought was a friend. He felt that i should stop talking about it. That i should shut up about the whole thing and just keep it inside. He also feels i'm not over my ex. That alone has proved to me that he doesn't know me well. I shouldn't expect loyalty from him since he is one of my ex's closes friend. In the end boys will choose boys. Bro's before Hoe's as they'd say. Ah well..that is life..it will never be fair..

For now, this emotional-men fluffer will keep it down low. Focus on me instead of others who i deem irrelevant. So far there has been a few..irrelevances..will try to surpass what ever emotion i have towards my ex , life..and our mutual friend. Connection to his side has been severed..mentally..

Strength

I love her voice..such strength..

You forgot your knives

(photo credit: Cxntagion, www.deviantart.com)




Hypocrites, they're on top with all the other things that I hate. They live off people's misery. They like seeing chaos. It brings joy to their rotten lil heart. Bastards!

These hypocritical individual they are indecisive. They don't know if they want to be good or bad.Black or white. Make up your fucking mind yo! Stop being blardy cowards!! Stand up for what you believe and feel.

If you dislike someone..say it! don't go behind their back and bitch about them and then act all peachy in front of em. That's just not right. Why be on the fence about how you feel about someone. You know how you feel..you know its for real. You know the hatred you have towards someone wouldn't change. You know its made of stone.

Then why the heck deny? Why the hell are you hiding behind your fucking mask??!!!
Do you wanna know why you do it...Coz you're just chicken shit! You have this biggest insecurity and fear. You fear that if you let out your outmost hatred towards a person you'd be judge. And what ever your flaws would be visible. Coz you know how human being works. We pick at everything. The moment we sense someone hates another, we'd pick at it. We dissect and analyze as to why do u have such animosity towards someone. Who made you perfect? And all the unwanted questions comes pouring out.

That my friend is your fear. The fear of facing those questions. So you settle for normalcy..which is bitching about others..picking at their flaws..better them than you RIGHT!!! Ass! You're just another insecure coward settling for scraps. You feed of someone's pain. GO ahead carry on doing it.Settle for bullshit.Settle for pain. But i dare you to be different! I dare you to come up to my face and let your feelings known!!! I dare YOU!

Love thy-self

"I only want the best which is for me" says falloutboy. Without a doubt, I agree. Friends are saying, I fear commitment but that's not right. I have no problem committing to someone. Is just for now I just want to be with me. Honestly, I'd be lying if I said I'm completely happy where I am and that I'm not lonely.Being alone and lonely is two different things.

Of course, I get lonely but I'd rather be alone rather than to deal with someone else's insecurities..problem..drama. It's not that i haven't been out with anyone..or that I haven't liked anyone. I have. At present I am in like with someone. Is just I dont know if he's worth all the trouble?

Friends are saying how would I know for sure if he's worth it if I don't take the leap? Answer is..I dont know? As for now maybe, he has yet proven himself worthy enough for me to want to leap. I want to see him unravel. I want to see what sort of person he is. Does he love himself enough to not be all caught up with bullshit around him. I need someone logical,rationale and strong..That much I know.

I'm just so at the point in my life where it's me first then everyone else. I can't make you happy if i'm not happy first. I want to be able to be me and not be questioned or shh-ed in regards of my actions. I need an equal. I need a man that would compliment me and not complete me. Gone were the days of "You complete me!" bullshit.