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Woke up today, with one of those bad feelings. The type that makes you want to go back into bed and hide under your covers for the whole entire day and just wallow in your sadness and depression. It's a wonder isnt' it, how words can effect you. Especially when negative things are being said about you by someone you used to have a lot of care for.
Regardless what is said true or not, sometimes it just gets to you. Especially when you've been having such a vulnerable week. But today was a different sort of grey. How death could just snap you back into perspective. It tells you that there's so much more in life to look forward to rather than worried about some negative people and their theories of you they've concocted in their stupid and boring life.
In facing death today, a sudden realization came to light, it doesn't mean anything if no attention is given to it. It doesn't mean anything, if there isn't any reaction. In life, you do what you can and not be worried about not being liked. Cause it doesn't work that way. Be as good as you can be and as true to yourself as much as you can. Visualize the good and positive.
For my uncle, Al- Fatihah..
How do you value a person? Looks? Money? Stature? Intelligence? Religion? Is it crucial for you to value a person to begin with. Why must there be a value filtering system, when it comes to choosing friends or life partners? Why isnt it not enough, when the people you're with are kind, happy and compassionate. Doesn't that criteria matters anymore. I just dont understand why do society need all those temporary "leg up" to build a friendship or relationship.
Those temporary advantages, will eventually fade. I wonder, if those self absorb , wealth and beauty driven people are aware of this. Don't they ever stop to think that one day, it'll be swept right under their feet? To a certain extend I doubt they would, as a friend of mine said " it's the fall of our local society, so hung up with rank, beauty and wealth".
It's as if having a title makes them less human but gods and goddess. Just because with title, they get first choice of everything makes them feel they're better than everyone. Well mate, If i stab you, you'd still bleed. Your blood is as red as mine. Doesn't make you any different from me just because you have a title up front of you blardy name.
For once, I just wish these people would just get off they fucking high horse and realise the whole deal. All those earthly bound things, means jack when you die. Means nothing when it comes to matter of emotions or well being. I just wish something hard just thuds their head and it all comes into place for them. But then again, a girl can wish so much.
I'm sure you heard of this story before, that god created seven versions of you. And he spreads them all over the globe for you to find one another in the end.
I think I found my fourth. By fluke I found her and her name is like mine.Exactly spelled the same way. I was drawned to her blog by her little write up about herself.
I was further intrigued by her when I saw her illustration. The more i read her blog the more alike I feel we are. She has plenty insights on things. Where she is now, is where i want to be in a couple of years. Basically having it all at the age of 30- 31?? Accomplished, happy and content. Happily married and with a kid and a career that makes me happy.
Lately, all that seems so far. All I have to show for is a startup company, that I'm quite happy with. As for love, the jury is still out on that. So back to focusing on what works.In this case WORK!! *laughs*
Do check her blog out. She's quite a character.
It's official, I hate them gyms. Especially the one to your left. They really suck you dry. Its no wonder they refused cash and insist on your credit card as mode of payment. They know they can easily take advantage of you. Majority of their clients are young executive. All caught up with their work and almost no time to themselves.
You see, when you sign up with the gym above, your contract runs up to 2 years. You're tied to them. You're not allowed to join a second gym. Like the devil, the minute you sign that contract they'll suck you dry. In my case, my contract ended in july and by right they shouldnt charge me because I've paid the first and last month during registration.
To my surprise I found out they continued charging me when my contract has expired. Bare this in mind, they are a major INTERNATIONAL GYM. And they couldn't spare a moment to write or call me to inform that my account has expired or to ask whether i'd want to resume with them.
The just charge my card. HOW SICK IS THAT!!!
When i called to complain, they said well you didn't come by and sign some letter. And i replied i called and i went over and NO one i repeat NO one told me the proper steps. Everyone said its noted. This was done months before my account expired. They wanted to reimbursed me with this VIP card. I can't believe this. They had the chick to ask me to pass a gym card to someone else. After what i knew about them. NO FUCKIN wayy!!!. i'm not going to promote their company. Bad Service!!!!! Bad Attitude!!!
Tomorrow is "D" Day..where i bring hell to that god forsaken place. I'm so not going to settle with a blardy coupon. That won't do. Someone's gonna bleed.
When communicating with ones parent, how much is too much of your personal information do you divulge to them? Where do you draw the line? To some it is completely normal to just spill everything, to tell all their dirty secrets. Mothers and daughters do this. Its like an unwritten rule. You don't share you die. You dont' gossip you die. By unloading your emotions is like a holy bonding session between a mother and daughter. Sacred even to some. I'll go as far as to call it a woman thing.
But when a guy confides mostly everything to his mum i find it odd. Look i'm all for it when a man is in touch with his emotions and all that jargon but when he talks of personal matters, and one that involves your relationship with him, you can't but help it to be alittle ticked off..!!! I just wonder what goes on in their mind, (their meaning the men) when they're doing this?? I mean don't they know by dissing out on their girl to their MOM !! of all person doesn't help matters. You're just giving the woman ammo to hate or use against the girl the next time shit happens. I know to some this might sound harsh but to a certain extend is true.
Mothers are completely overly protective of their son. When they detect defect, it will all go down the hill from there. The girl can never be good in her eyes no more. You can try but i tell you this from my experience, they'll still give you that eye whenever you come around. The kind that lingers. The demeaning type look. It isn't obvious but you just know because you can feel the heat burning right into your flesh that you just cant sit still not even for a second. You know when you have that uncomfortable feeling when you first meet you bf's or gf's parents that sort a interrogating aura..times that by 10. That searing heat. Yup not something you want to go through i'm sure.
When you tell the bf about the look, he'll say " No ..you're just imagining it" Seriously I am not imagining it. Why on earth would i want to imagine your mother giving me the hate. I'd want her to like me man.. I mean come on seriously...think !!!!! Stop and think!!! I honestly don't mind if he's sharing his own problems. That doesn't involves us, as a couple. I'm big about that. Even friends, I dont' tell them everything just what they need to know. I keep my relationship issues mostly to myself and i'd like to keep it between me and the man and not anyone else.
I dont share much of my relationships with my mother because i know she'd be emotional. She's be holding grudges and judging. Which is not what i want. Coz relationship is all about the roller coaster ride. You have good days and bad. You don't want people to go hating your love ones on account of something shitty he or she did that just one time. We're all human anyway.
The point i'm trying to make is, there's so much judging and pointing fingers in the world as it is. You don't want an outsider to get in your business when they don't know jack. And because its a convenient thing to do...to point fingers.
Right this moment I can hear my good friend Bae saying this, " Dont take it personally Elly". I try but sometimes certain issues would just creep up and I'm back where I started. Lately things has been crazy. In a year I've gone through so many obstacles. Early of the year a crazy ass taiwanese woman which i might add has been paid in full by the kharmatic cycle. I doubt she learned anything but knowing that she got hers sooner than i thought gives me some comfort that there is some justice in the world.
Second obstacle, misunderstood by my bf's aunt. She told my boyfriend's mum that i yelled at her when i didn't. To make things worse the mum believed her sister. And he believed his mum. It almost caused our relationship. The fact that misunderstanding could make the relationship wobble goes to show that it wasn't as solid as i thought.
The most recent, is his bestfriend. Called me all the way from down under, not only yelled but cussed at me. Again another misunderstanding. I held on by the thread. I wanted so much just to let go and screw the guy up but i thought otherwise. I thought i'd be the water. Be the bigger person but it made me seemed weak. Which i'm not. I hate that i gave that man the impression that he scared me. Hell NO!!! But for the boyfriend and what my good friend said i let it slide and be the mature one.
With all this hanging on my back, i can't stop but think is there much over the rainbow? I mean this whole drama seemed like a deja vu. With my past ex. Simillar scenario also misunderstood. Wrongly accused the difference is will he stand up for me. I try not letting all this get to me..His mother and sister not liking me and his best friend hating me. I try but again when you think about is there really much to hope. Is there really something good on the other side of the rainbow?
